kill me now

One of Hayley's favorite games is for someone to chase her around the house. To start the game all I have to do is stomp my foot and her give her a look that says” The chase is on!” and she would giggle with glee and run off. Her usual path is to run around the kitchen island then dart into the living room and wedge herself between the recliner and our bay window. It’s a great spot for her because I can’t maneuver fast enough between the recliner and the end table to get to window before she has darted off past the other side of the recliner which is free of end table. And it doesn’t do me any good to try to go at her from the free side because she is small enough to slip between the end table and the recliner. So either way she is free to rush off into the family room/kitchen area and tumble on the futon, where she will usually wait for me to catch up with her and tickle her for awhile before she ready for the next round of chasing. I’m usually worn out by 5 times or so and no matter how many times I chase her around she always seems disappointed when I call and end to the game unless I suggest she watch a “Bob Bob” show, i.e. SpongeBob, and I feel really bad for suggesting my child watch mindless TV so I can catch my breath.

Since she loves to be chased this becomes a problem when she happens to grab something that she shouldn’t. Usually it’s my glasses or my cell phone and she’ll run around her standard route which ends in tumbling on the futon and I’m able to retrieve my items without too much fuss, but the other day Hayley grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter. Not just any knife a very sharp knife that my husband used to cut up some steak for dinner earlier.

We easily forget now how tall Hayley is and well she can reach things on the counter. It used to be that if we left something just a an inch or so from the edge it would be out of her reach, but now it seems they have be a good foot from the edge. So my husband and I are eating our steak dinners while watching American idol and Hayley runs in giggling with this very sharp knife in hand. We immediately got up and yelled “Hayley no!”, but she took this to mean the chase was on and did her usual recliner dodge trick and ran off into the kitchen. My mind was flashing all kinds of horror, mostly she is going trip and fall right on the knife or she going o slice off a finger. “Ohmygod she is going hurt herself so badly! Please no!” We followed her to the kitchen slowly to try to discourage her running away from us, she ran around the kitchen island, my husband followed as I went to head her off at the pass in the other direction. Laughing happily she ran right toward me with the knife pointed out.

As I bent down to grab her I thought “kill me now”

“I don’t care if that knife plunges into me I just want it away from her!” Some how as I grabbed her she lowered the knife and it just went through my pants and grazed my leg. After we got the knife away from her I checked her all over for any cuts asking her over and over “Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!” Finally she let out a frustrated “I’m okay Mama” Like she really meant to say. “Geez Woman get off me! Leave me alone it was just a chase…ugh!” Then another horror flash in my brain that this is not the last time she will scare us like this or become annoyed when we try to protect her. No this is only the beginning of nightmares to come. It’s very much like the quote I admire from Elizabeth Stone about the decision to have a child “is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body”. That is so true. Sigh.

Kill me now.